


Minion, Me

by ANobleCompanion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Sam and Dean get turned into minions, no seriously, true crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 10:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2545028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANobleCompanion/pseuds/ANobleCompanion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean wake up one morning...as minions.  To top it all off, another strange minion shows up while they're trying to figure out what's going on.  Will they be able to change back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minion, Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JiniZ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiniZ/gifts).



> For my tumblr wifey, trekchik (JiniZ)! Happy Birthday! Love you lady!!
> 
> Hint: hover over the minion language for translation. If you're on mobile, there are translations at the end!

Dean woke up slowly, not processing at first that anything was different.  His body was in that blissful state between waking and sleep where everything was perfect.  They’d just finished a hunt and had at least a few days back at the bunker.  Maybe more.  Things had been blessedly quiet lately.  

Rolling over onto his back, Dean stretched, realizing something felt funny with his mattress as he did so.  It was almost as though the motion was too smooth; no angular shoulders pushing against the mattress, more like he was turning in water.  

Confused, he blinked his eye open.  

Wait.

Eye?

Dean sat up abruptly and looked down at himself.  What he saw was not himself.  

He moved his arms and the thin, yellow, tube like things in his lap moved at the same time.  In a panic, he tried to scramble off the bed, only to discover his legs had become short stumps that were hardly functional for getting him anywhere quickly.  Eventually, he managed to land with a _thump_ on the floor.

And there was another shock.  His head only came up to the edge of the bed.  Getting back in  would be interesting.  Deciding to deal with that later, he rushed to the door, having to jump a few times before he could reach the handle to open it.  

Glancing cautiously into the hallway, Dean made sure the coast was clear before scampering down to the bathroom, where there was a full length mirror.  

Finally reaching his destination, it was with some trepidation that he stepped in front of the glass to get his first look at the damage this curse, or whatever the hell it was, had caused.  

He stared.  

He looked like a damn thumb with skinny little arms and legs. His skin was as yellow as a Simpson, he only had one eye, over which was an odd monocular goggle.  And what the _hell_ , he was wearing friggin'  _overalls_.  

Dean shut his now only eye against the sight and groaned.  He wracked his brain trying to think of something he could have done that would have caused this.

The last case had been a simple salt and burn.  In and out.  They hadn’t run into a witch in over a year.  He supposed he could have brushed up against something in the bunker.  They were still finding new artifacts all the time.  Only last week, Sam had nearly sat on a freaking rabbit’s foot someone had just left lying around decades ago.  Fortunately, Cas had caught him just in time.  He hadn’t been anywhere new in the bunker lately though, so he wasn’t sure what they might have missed in the main rooms.  

A _thump_ from the hallway quickly brought him back to attention.  He tried to hurry towards the shower stall to hide, discovering as he did that his new body made him very top heavy.  He ended up falling on his face twice and was only halfway to the stall when the door opened.

He stared in shock at another creature that looked very much like him.

"Po ka?” he said.  Wait, what? What the hell had he said? He’d been trying to to say, _what the hell_.  He’d only gotten the first word out before he realized that he apparently no longer had control over his own mouth.  

"Dee?” the other creature said tentatively.

Dean looked more closely at the creature in front of him.  This one had two eyes, and was significantly taller than himself, but he (it?), was wearing the same goggles and overall combination.  Understanding flickered through his mind as he looked at the creature’s wide, almost puppy like stare.

"Sa?” he managed to get out.  The closest approximation to his brother’s name he seemed likely to get.  “[Luk at tu](Look%20at%20you!)!”

"Luk at tu!” the creature, who was in fact Sam, repeated back.  Dean rolled his eye.  This was not going to get them very far.  Motioning to Sam, he walked out of the bathroom.  They needed to check on Cas.  If he’d been transformed too, they’d really be in trouble.

As Dean stepped back into the hallway, Sam crowding close behind him, he noticed a warm, familiar aroma floating down the hall.  He raised his face appreciatively and took a deep whiff.  He wasn’t sure how he was smelling anything.  His perusal in the mirror hadn’t indicated a nose of any kind, but he wasn’t going to complain.  If Cas was able to make coffee, there was a good chance they were in luck and he hadn’t been affected.  

He and Sam toddled down the hall towards the enticing lure of caffeine and, hopefully, answers.  

They reached the doorway of the kitchen just as Cas, blessedly still in human form, turned towards them.  He stopped in surprise, his eyebrows shooting straight to his hairline and _damn_ , even in a moment like this, Dean could appreciate Cas’s tousled bed head.  Not that he’d ever said anything about it.  

“Cas!” he said.  Well it was about damn time.  At least he was able to say _something_  right.  

“Dean? Sam?” Cas asked hesitantly, confusion clear in his voice.

"Bello,” Sam said, waving sheepishly from behind Dean.  Dean just rolled his eyes.  

“What happened?”

Dean frowned in response - or whatever approximated a frown on a face with only one eye - but didn’t say anything.  There wasn’t much point.  He had no idea what would come out of his mouth, but it wasn’t likely to be whatever he meant.  Apparently Cas didn’t need Dean to answer to understand him though.  

“I suppose you don’t know.”

Dean huffed and crossed his arms, turning to face a the wall.  It was hard to admit, but he was embarrassed for Cas to see him like this.  

“[Bi do](I'm%20sorry),” Sam said, his tone so apologetic, Dean could only assume he’d said “I’m sorry.”

Cas opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by a loud banging at the door.  A look of consternation passed over his face as he held up his hand to Sam and Dean, cautioning them, rather pointlessly, to stay out of sight.  

Both Sam and Dean positioned themselves so they could see the door without being seen themselves, peering around as Cas pulled it open.  

“BEE DO BEE DO BEE DO!!” came a shrill voice.  Another creature resembling Sam and Dean came careening through the door, three flashing lights attached to his head.  He ran in zig zags and circles so fast Cas had no hope of being able to catch or stop him.  Sam and Dean toppled out from their hiding place in shock.  

Suddenly, the new creature stopped in the center of the room, a shit eating grin lighting up his face. “Bello,” he said.  

Dean remembered Sam saying the same thing earlier.  Given that it at least _sounded_ logical, he was going to assume the yellow thing in front of him had just said, “hello.”

Right.  Dean had had enough.

He stalked up to the little yellow minion and shoved right into his face. “Po ka tu,” he spat.  

The thing in front of him looked at him seriously for a brief second before its face split into a grin.  From there he devolved into a snicker before crashing to the floor and rolling in outright laughter.  

Right.  Whatever or _whoever_ this thing was, Dean didn’t trust him and it was clear he wasn’t going to be any help to them.  

Eye narrowed, he stalked over to Cas and grabbed a handful of the flannel pajama pants he was wearing at the knee - which just happened to be the highest point on the former angel that he could reach.  With an impatient tug, he started marching Castiel towards the library.  Sam could deal with the new guy.  

Dean, too busy muttering under his breath, missed the look of deep affection Cas aimed in his direction.  

Sam didn’t. Neither did their unusual guest who sighed dramatically, leaning back so far that his hands dragged on the floor, and rolling his eyes. Sam looked at the creature more closely, his eyes narrowed.  Like Dean, he was suspicious of him - at least, he assumed it was a him, it was hard to tell honestly - but he also recognized he might the one most likely to have the answers to what was going on. After all, he was a creature like themselves, who had managed to find them just after their transformation, and, who ever he was, he seemed remarkably unfazed.  So far, he didn’t seem like he posed much of a threat, and antagonizing the newcomer wasn’t likely to get them anything they needed.

Straightening up, the creature looked at Sam, laughter subdued to a mischievous grin.  “Me want banana!” he exclaimed.  

Sam frowned.  Well, that sounded fairly straight forward at least.  He turned towards the kitchen, indicating for the creature to follow.  

A quick search of the areas of the kitchen he could actually reach showed him they didn’t have any bananas, but they did have something he thought might work as a substitute.

“Bable?” he asked, holding out an apple to the stranger.  

Clearly it wasn’t sufficient.  Rather than taking it, the creature wrinkled his face, stuck out his tongue in disgust and waved Sam away with his hands.  “Gelato!” he said with enthusiasm.

Sam frowned.  He knew they didn’t have any actual gelato, but whatever this language was, perhaps that’s not what he was asking for at all.  

The other creature rolled his eyes again.  Pointing at the table, he turned to Sam and said, in what was obviously a command, “Chasey!”  He then pointed to the space in front of the refrigerator.  

Catching on, Sam moved to grab a chair from the table and placed it in front of the fridge.  He turned to look at the other creature questioningly.  

He grinned at Sam before poking him in the chest and then pointing up at the top of the chair.  “Tu a key!”

Sam grinned back and climbed quickly on the chair, waiting for more instructions.  To his surprise, the other creature scrambled up next to him...and kept climbing.  Sam braced himself as the newcomer danced about on his head.  

A vacuum hiss above him told Sam, the creature had opened the freezer.  Sam heard an, “ahahaha HA!” as a container of ice cream whooshed past him, barely clipping his goggles, before landing with a solid thump on the floor. The weight disappeared from Sam’s head as the creature jumped off to roll across the floor before scampering back to his find.  

He looked down at it, back to Sam, down, and back up again.  Sam couldn’t help but snicker.  It really was pretty funny.  He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t completely freaked out.  He should be. He should be in the library with Dean, trying to find a solution to whatever this was.  But there was something about this new guy that made him feel like whatever this was would work itself out and he should be having fun rather than stressing over it.  He couldn’t explain it, but he decided to roll with it anyway.  He still didn’t sense that their guest was any threat.  

“Pop pop?” the creature asked.

Sam turned towards the pantry and pried the door open from the bottom.  Fortunately, the popcorn was near the bottom.  Holding it up, he smiled when the creature grinned and nodded enthusiastically.  He was starting to get the hang of this.  

While they popped the popcorn, the creature dug through the drawers for two spoons.  Sam watched him curiously.  The next time the creature was looking at him, he pointed to himself and said, “Sa!”  He pointed at the stranger and raised an eye expectantly.

The stranger just chuckled and shook his head, hopping up to grab the popcorn as he walked past Sam, his arms now full of food.  Sam hurried to follow, wondering where they were going.  

The library, as it turned out.  The creature peered cautiously around the corner as though hoping to avoid being seen.  Looking at Sam, he widened his eyes, let out an exaggerated, “shhhh!!!” and tiptoed into the room to a vantage point behind a bookshelf where they could see without easily being seen.  

“para tu,” he said, handing the popcorn to Sam.

“Tank yu,” Sam said, setting down next to his new friend, wondering what they were doing.  

“Dean, it’s really not so bad you know,” Cas’s voice filtered back to them.  Sam shifted a little and realized he now had a perfect view of Cas and Dean attempting to research.

Dean didn’t respond to Cas’s comment verbally, but his one-eyed glare clearly spoke volumes to Cas.  

“I know that this will require an adjustment, and the language barrier might be...frustrating...at first.  But we’ve certainly handled worse.  It’s very likely this is only temporary.”

Sam heard a huff from Dean and the creature at his side snickered.  He shot a wary glance at the visitor.  He received a grin that wasn’t evil, but most definitely one that seemed to be anticipating something.  He pointed to Cas and Dean and whispered, “Cassee boy baboi.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Underwear...” he muttered.  He stopped and looked to his right, blushing furiously.  That was _not_ what he’d intended to say.  

His neighbor broke into a fit of giggles. “Buttom,” he said, almost incoherently through his laughter.  

Sam frowned. “Tatata bala tu,” he said.

The creature wiped tears from his eyes, shaking his head in disagreement.

Their conversation was cut short by the sound of Cas talking to Dean.

“No matter what happens, Dean, I’m not going anywhere.  I chose to stay when Heaven reset.  I gave up my failing grace rather than taking the cure.  I did it because I wanted to stay with you.  Do you really think something like this would make me leave?”

Sam could see Dean looking sadly down in his lap and he realized that’s exactly what his brother thought.  Apparently so could Cas.  

“Dean,” he sighed, “I’m not sure how much more I can do to show you that you are worth it.  You are worth _everything_.  And while I will admit that if whatever this is _is_ permanent, I will miss many things about your previous form, there are a few advantages to this shape.  It will be far easier to cuddle when you sneak into my room at night, for example.”

And wait, what?  Surely Sam had heard that wrong.  But, no.  While Dean was glaring up at Cas, the corner of his mouth was twitching and there was no heat in the look.  

Cas chuckled.  “I know.  I’m not supposed to call it cuddling.  My point still holds. I will be with you no matter what.”

“Milaliloo ti amo,” Dean said, looking surprised at himself for speaking.  It was almost as if he’d said what he was thinking out loud without realizing it.

Cas’s gaze softened and he replied, “Me too,” before leaning over and kissing Dean on his forehead.  

There was a loud _snap_ and Dean turned back into his original form.  

“Woah,” he said, looking at Cas. “What just happened?”

Cas smirked, “It would appear that whatever altered your form has been released.”  

Dean’s face flushed bright red.  “Wait.  Did you understand what I just said?” he asked hesitantly.

Cas’s face split into a wide smile.  “Dean, it took me _years_ to be able to properly understand you.  Now it doesn’t matter what language you speak or if you speak at all.  I will understand you.”

Dean hesitated and looked down. “So, did you mean what _you_ said?” he asked.  

Cas’s smile didn’t diminish, he just reached out to grasp Dean’s hand.  “Yes.  I love you, too.”

Sam was happy for them.  He really was.  It was about time they got their shit together.  But there was a small problem.  He still looked like a giant yellow thumb.  

He turned to glare at the creature next to him. “Po ka?” he asked.  

The creature just giggled and said, “Muak, muak!”

Sam was no longer amused.  His gaze darkened and he folded his arms over his chest.  

The creature darted forward and placed a loud, smacking kiss right on Sam’s mouth.  

 _SNAP_.

Sam’s perspective changed quickly as he suddenly jumped from two and a half feet tall to his usual six foot four.  He blinked, looking down at…

“Gabe?” he asked in surprise.  

“Hey Sasquatch. Miss me?” Gabe asked, waggling his eyebrows.  

Sam smiled.  “Yes, actually.  Cas mentioned there was a chance you were still alive, but we hadn’t heard from you.  We weren’t sure if it was true or not.”

Gabe looked taken aback that Sam was actually happy to see him, but he covered the reaction quickly.  “Well, never fear, your archangel is here.”

Sam’s brow furrowed. He cocked his head and looked at the angel in front of him. “Not that I’m complaining. And I guess I’m not surprised at the shape shifting thing. It is your M.O., but why? What was the point? There’s always some lesson with you.”

Gabe grinned again and Sam was surprised he hadn’t recognize that look of mischief, no matter the shape of the face.  

“The spell had to be broken by a kiss or a confession of love.  We managed to get both.  It’s about time those goofballs wised up, don’t you think?”

Sam looked over his shoulder at their brothers, currently wrapped in each other’s arms and completely oblivious to the fact that Sam and Gabe were in the room at all.  

“Ok, fair enough, but why me too?”

Gabe flashed him a wickedly lopsided grin before cracking, “Helloooo, Trickster?”

Sam just laughed, leaning down and snatching a kiss of his own, enjoying the look of pleasant surprise on the angel’s face.  

Catching the trickster off guard and enjoying it himself?  Yeah.  Totally worth it.  

**Author's Note:**

> Translations. Because of COURSE there's a minion dictionary!!!  
> Translations taken from here: http://www.fiz-x.com/minions-banana-language-translated/
> 
> Po ka? - what?  
> Luk at tu! - look at you!  
> Bello - hello  
> Bi do - sorry  
> Me want banana - I'm hungry  
> Bable - apple  
> Gelato - ice cream  
> Chasey - chair  
> Tu a key - you go here (my invention)  
> Pop pop - popcorn (my invention)  
> Para tu - for you  
> Tank yu - thank you  
> Cassee boy baboi - Cas's boy toy (Cas's boy, my invention)  
> Underwear - I swear  
> Buttom - bottom  
> Tatata bala tu - I hate you  
> Milaliloo ti amo - I love you  
> Muak, muak, muak - Kiss, kiss, kiss


End file.
